When I was in seventh grade, the camp I had been going to for one week every summer since I was 8 closed down. This was such a special place to me and I was devastated. At no other place in the world, up until that point, had I ever experienced the ultimate powers of Mother Nature. I saw vistas in those Pennsylvania foothills that are forever etched into my mind. Together with many other little cutie 6th, 5th, 4th graders, we would hike through Appalachia marveling at its beauty.

Other than this I had very little interest in anything Nature or science-related until I started studying the human body. At 19. As a dancer. With the exception of one particularly awesome science teacher in high school (Thank you, Donna Puskar), I was just not interested.

I am so glad that yoga and art brought me back to the scientific study of the body and to a deep appreciation of the wisdom of Nature.  These connections remind me of all the mysterious sayings one can conjure that have anything to do with being a part of something so much larger than myself: how strange and beautiful to be a human being; this body is made of the same stuff as the stars; as humans, we share this connection as self-contained walking sacks of skin, water, heart, brain and bone; it's so important to remember our common predicament, to remember how deeply connected we are to nature, to food, water, the need for clean air, stable ground, and, yes, a way to stay connected across all that ground through technology (as I couldn't share all of this with you without it.) Thinking of the vastness of this web (read: Tantra [to weave]) helps me remember to be self{ish}less.

The concept of this selflessness in yoga is pervasive, but one of the forms it takes is in the practice of Seva, or selfless service. Seva is an opportunity to give back to community, to support that which, without question, supports you.
And so, when it was my turn to pick a Seva charity for Yoga Yoga's 3rd Friday Donation class in March, with my own childhood in mind, I selfishly chose Girlstart, an organization that "empowers young girls to excel in math, science and technology."

This is my chance to (selfishly) do what I do best, to offer my services to you, as a yoga teacher, by teaching a Donation-Based Yoga class benefiting Girlstart's efforts. This way we can all come together as a community to support and foster a future generation of nature-loving cyber pixies.

When asked to select a co-teacher, I thought immediately of another empowered, nature-loving yogi cyber-pixie artist momma extraordinaire: Skye Adams. She and I are delighted to be able to do what we love so that Austin girls can learn to love learning.

Here are the details of the event. 100% of the donations go to Girlstart.
Come get calm for a good cause.

Yoga Yoga Donation Classes Site
Friday, March 18th   
7:30-9:00pm
Yoga Yoga Northwest
12001 N Burnet Rd
Austin, TX 78758

Mantra for the month:
May my yoga practice transform the fire under my ass into the light of awareness.

I am awed and inspired by the time I spent with Judith Lasater last week, to say the least. It has had a profound impact on the way that I am teaching, what I've been practicing and has excited me to think more about many different things. The one singing out most to me right now is learning to rest.

Yoga practice has taught me to look for moments of rest, both on and off the mat. First, am I getting enough rest? Sleep, yes, but enough rest? Do I take enough time in the day to do nothing at all? I think not. :) The mind needs time to synch with the body and breath (i.e. make yoga) during each day in order to integrate the fullness of human experience. As a culture, we’re bombarded with sensory information day in and day out, encouraging us to work harder, smell more taste more see more do more be more. Media, tv shows, jobs, and many educational paradigms create a fire under our collective ass telling us to Move Move Move! How ‘bout for just 15 minutes a day I just “Be Be Be???” So, without having figured out a more poetic way of saying it, my mantra for now is, May my yoga practice transform the fire under my ass into the light of my own awareness.

I’ve been talking a lot in classes recently about this very thing—in terms of asana practice, one of the things that sets yoga apart from many other forms of movement is the cultivation of the observer mind—that person within us who can compassionately recognize the present and who notices the flow of thought, the feeling of the breath and the residue of the postures and their effects in the body. To pause between poses, to take time to rest and observe, is not a pausing or a stopping of the yoga practice; it’s a part of the yoga practice. Claude Debussy said of his art, “Music is the space between the notes.” We see this idea again in a famous quote from a contemporary jazz icon. Said Dizzy Gillespie, "It's taken me all my life to learn what not to play." May my yoga practice teach me the importance of rest[s].

Today we embark as a community on Another Free Day of yoga. Ever been to one of these classes before? They are super fun, a little crazy, and an excellent opportunity to introduce friends and family to what it is we do (what it is I do!) to take care of ourselves.

Check it out:
http://www.yogayoga.com/another-free-day-yoga
www.freedayofyoga.com

If you're curious how this puppy works:
http://www.freedayofyoga.com/faqs-2010.php

Hope to see you on the mat!

A while ago, I taught a workshop inspired by Douglas Brooks’ talk on the Triadic Heart of the Goddess: Kali, Saraswati and Lakśmi. Like a good Tantrika, I proceeded to describe how these goddesses manifest as us, and that when we take on their characteristics, we see them come to light in our actions. One of the attributes of Kali, as I understand it, is her amazing ability (in some depictions of her) a. to gross us out, and b. to vomit and regurgitate.

Have you ever come home from a life-changing movie/lecture/class/training and said to your roommate/lover/friend, “I’ve just got to share this with you! I had the most amazing experience and I can’t keep it inside”? Sometimes life, yoga, this stuff is too big  for us to keep inside (like Kali the big Black Hole attracting everything in her direction.) We have to share it, to teach it, to learn and re-learn it. We have to puke it back up, partially digested, and take a good look at what we’ve made of it so far.

At the end of a 2 ½ hour lecture and asana class, hoping to integrate these stories and information into my students’ bodies, one of my students came up to me and said, “I wish I could puke like you do.”

My response, respectfully, ir/reverently, was “It takes practice.” I think this image applies to the learning process and the process of sharing one’s insights from practicing yoga. As a student of yoga, I am constantly in a process of digesting the information that my yoga gives me. When I teach, all I have to offer is this—partially digested, regurgitated insight. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m still, always, in a process of learning. This process is scary!

Sometimes I wish I just knew the "right" answer, that I could simply offer something to students with a definitive sense of authority. Yet so often, yoga doesn't provide answers. As Judith Lasater says, "Asanas aren't answers; they're questions." We have to get out of our heads and into our bodies and hearts. (Hence all the severed heads.) That deep exploration, that undefined process is scary just like Kali is scary. She’s the darkness. She’s the blackness of the unknown. She represents Death. But, you see, when we’re dead, that’s it for corporeal learning. But Kali also represents rebirth and a mother's love for the birth of humanity. So, can we invite ourselves in our humanity into the unknown and see it as a gift, as a learning process; as a process? I am a student of partially digested process.

As a gift to myself today, the day I have completed my RYT-500, I offer this site and this blog to myself and to you.

First, a humble and huge Thank You to the yoga students who have attended my classes over the years. I literally can't be a yoga teacher without you. Know that I believe the seat of the teacher moves around the room, and that you are truly my teachers, too.

While I truly believe that the best teacher we can find is within, I would not have found her had I not seen so many others stand in the light of their own awareness and teach from that place. So, I would like to offer a heartfelt Thank You, in no particular order, to all the inspirational human beings, my teachers I've met along the way:

Debra Fernandez, Hana Van der Kolk, Sharon Moon, Jessica Montgomery, Manju Jois, Mehtab, Anne Cox, Mark Uridel, Lori McDougall, Darby, David Swenson, Judith Hanson Lasater, Patty Townsend, Amy Reed, Lizzy Tyler Majka, Sara Rose Page, Desiree Rumbaugh, Sianna Sherman, Noah Maze, Douglas Brooks, Melissa Vincel, Mike Fox, Alli Ross, Ione Beauchamp, Richard Miller, Donna Farhi, Mollie Galbraith, Mandy Eubanks, Liz Belile, Bob Cox, Ellen Stansell, Seane Corn, Leslie Kaminoff, Prema, Rachel Hector, Tracy Firsching, Pamela Beauchamp, J Ruth Gendler, Douglas Gerwin, Patrick Stolfo, Jan Kees Saltet, Jon Cox, Nancy Milliken, Zak Trojano, Kasey Cox, Sara Garrington, Ashley Gaar, Jenn Wooten, Billy Barron, Ana Pilar Cruz and Aaron Dembe.

I'm sure there are more, and they will come up in stories.
For you, my heartfelt love and thanks for being such a great influence in my life.

        Like many, I first came to yoga with the promise of a stronger, more flexible body. Asana, the physical practice of yoga, predominates popular culture and conceptions of what it means to practice yoga.  I wanted to embody all that strength, flexibility and stamina that asana claims to create.  After several months of consistent practice, that's what I got. But that's not what has kept me practicing all these years. Sure, I deeply appreciate the relationship I have to my body and the health and vitality a yoga practice brings. But what has kept me invested in the practice all these years is the process of experiencing, of feeling, of embodying yogic ideas and ideals. This is my true yoga practice.
        Yoga on the whole is designed to do what the root of the word implies: yoga "yokes" together the seemingly disparate parts of embodied experience, body, mind and heart (seemingly being the operative word.) One of the reasons asana practice is effective in creating a healthier body is because the process of yoking breath and movement creates an environment where the mind can focus better on the task at hand. When body, and breath are united in a common practice, the mind can appreciate the present moment, and remember that body, mind and breath are different but never separate. In our natural state, I am a whole, living organism.
        This is beautiful poetry, but it is also very practical. Yoga helps us make sense of body and mind. The more the mind is able to stay present to the task at hand, the more clear and resourceful embodiment is. In other words: get present and make better decisions. Through the practice of yoga, we enter into what Douglas Brooks calls the triadic heart of existence: Reflection, Revelation and Recognition. We reflect upon and thus remember we potential as human beings; we can see that same impulse revealed in others; and ultimately, we recognize, embody and clearly express human ideal, the heart's deepest desires. We re-member.
        So, what are the ideals embedded in the practice of yoga? That depends on who you ask, what experiences they've had through yoga practice, what books they've read, and with whom they have studied. Ultimately, what you get is the synthesis of an individual's personal experience and personal perspective. As I tell my yoga students, it's all well and good for me to sit up here and talk to you about this stuff, but until you learn to get it into your body and apply it to your self then it's not practical; it won't make sense.
        Over the course of many years, I tried on different philosophical bents. I spent nearly four years studying and nearly 7 years teaching art and art history from the perspective of Rudolf Steiner and his philosophical legacy, Anthroposophy. I struggled to understand Steiner's dense texts, read tens of books, hundreds of lectures, and worked at 3 different Waldorf schools. I knew I had an appreciation for this way of thinking and being, but I could never quite get it into my being. Steiner himself was known for saying, 'don't take my word for it; experiment for yourself and see what you find.'
        As frustrating and confusing as it was, I don't think I would be where I am today, the person I am today, without this desire to search for an experiment and an experience of myself. Steiner also said that when you embark upon a spiritual path, life doesn't get any easier. In fact, it gets way harder! I think the the time I spent attempting to align with his spiritual epistemology laid the foundation for what I ultimately met in myself  through the study of yoga philosophy, and eventually in Tantric philosophy.
       This philosophy has taught me that yoga doesn't make life easier; yoga offers the tools to engage with the fullness of life. A yogic life is one where every moment I experience, everything I encounter is an opportunity for me to remember that I am already my ideals embodied. There's nothing I need to strive to do. There is nothing I need to acquire and nothing I need to let go. Yoga re-cognizes and re-members me.


2nd installment
Coming Soon
"Wait, I thought you were going to talk about yoga philosophy.
What the heck is Tantric Philosophy?"

Kularnava Tantra
Shakti’pata-anusarena shishyo’nugraham arhati
“By falling into the current of Grace the seeker becomes capable of holding the constancy of the Heart.... By stepping into the current, by falling into the energies of Grace, the seeker becomes capable of becoming weighty, of becoming the Guru.”
- trans. Dr. Douglas Brooks